One of the hardest pills to swallow as an adult is that not everyone can afford to sacrifice.
Not everyone can drop everything all at once and go on a great venture towards the uncertain roads―just to feel something new or just to restart life. Some find it easy to risk because they still have something to return to. But what about the others? What about me? What I have now is all that I got. If I stumble, it’ll take me years to get back to my feet again.
All the steps I take are counted one by one, and I feel like I was always unlucky when it comes to finding my place in this world. I am a coward, but I am extra careful. I am hesitant, but I am always protective of what I have earned.
Maybe, making mistakes is a privilege. Everyone can move forward with questions left untouched in the morning, but for someone like me who doesn’t have lifelines, I fear the cruel answers and rejections that would come up with the sun.
All my life, I have been mending the damage of my wrong decisions. And so, I pray this time, that even if I am granted nothing else but just a mediocre life―let it be gentler. Safer. I hope I am content. I just don’t want the world to once again take me at an unfair advantage just because I don’t have enough support systems.
I have no other options but to be my own safety net.
- Abdullah