As I sit alone in the darkness, tears stream down my face as I fight to keep from falling apart.
All the questions and emotions of us flash through my mind as I rest my face in my hands.
For so long, all I wanted was your love and to spend my days and nights being loved by you.
But no matter how hard I tried to be what you wanted, regardless of how much I wanted us to be happy together.
It never really happened the way I had always hoped.
I don’t know if you just don’t care, don’t realize or don’t want me…you never actually told me what you wanted.
It’s a hard thing to be stuck in a place of uncertainty when it comes to matters of the heart-
Especially when all I wanted was to love and be loved by you.
I know now that I have to turn the page and close the chapter on you and me.
If there ever really was a “you and me.”
I’ve known for the longest time I deserve better but I was so scared to move on, fight for what I wanted or lose you.
But now I realize that I never really had you to begin with.
The idea of “us” was really just wishful thinking..so it’s time to let go of all the hopes and dreams I had for us.
And finally move on and be happy on my own.
It’ll be hard, I know, and I’ll shed a lot of tears as I do what I have to do to let you go.
But as I wipe away the tears from my face, I look outside and see the sun shining brightly.
I’ll get there, I know.
That place where I can think about you and not cry.
When I can get up in the morning and be happy it’s a beautiful new day.
I’m far from that right now, but I’ll get there.
I can’t fight for someone who won’t fight for me.
Who makes me work just to get their attention.
I deserve better and I’ll find it.
But first, I’m going to work on myself and do whatever it takes to be happy by myself, for myself.
It won’t be easy, it won’t be fast,
But it will be the best thing I’ve ever done.
Love myself for the person that I am because in the end, that’s what truly matters the most.
I’m closing the door on you and opening the door to my happiness.
One moment, one step, one day at a time.
- Abdullah.